I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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