I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
