I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
