dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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