Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
