Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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