you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
