I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
