Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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