We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
