i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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