So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
