The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
