Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
