just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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