i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
