apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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