You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
