Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
