so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I currently don't understand fingers.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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