I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
