id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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