Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I need water and some morals
Randomize
