Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
