And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
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dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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