I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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