but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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