god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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