Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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