No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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