You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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