I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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