My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
