Your tits are I can't wait for
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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