Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
