I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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