do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
