i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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