what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
