I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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