I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
