So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
