No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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