I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
