I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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