My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
