He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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