I'm going to jail i love you
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
