Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
