Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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