We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
