My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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