I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
