If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
