She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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