tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
