I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize