she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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