i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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