Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
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sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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