its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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