there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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