forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I am morally bankrupt
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
its liver damage thursday
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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