it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize