1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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