Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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