5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
