she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
