It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
