I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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