She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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