Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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