I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize