Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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