I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
