At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
