I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
