She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
