i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
