I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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