What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
